I feel you Steve.
Today is the 20th anniversary of my father's death, and some of my best memories are with him taking me to the track, and the local bike shop, and watching me build jumps in the back yard.
I wanted so bad to take my son to the track today, and kinda relive some of those memories through him, but the weather blew today.
BMX is SO much more to me than a collection of stuff. That is why I gravitate back to this site. BMX SOCIETY. It isn't just a "hobby" or a "sport", but a way of life. And this site, even with all the collector/purist bravado, embraces that.
It isn't like I focus all my energy on it. I don't obsess over it. ( Well, maybe a little). But it's more like breathing or sleeping or eating. I need it to live. It's a part of me. Even in small doses, I get what I need, but I'm not sure I could live completely without it.
If I'm not riding, I'm reading about it. If I'm not working on a bike, I'm looking for parts. If I'm not building, I'm thinking about building. But only when needed. Again, like food and water.
It isn't my end all and be all, but it does help sustain me. I try and respect it, and not take it for granted. BMX is in my blood, it's in my soul. It's part of what makes me what I am. Without it, I'm not me. I don't live for it, but I feel more alive because of it.